Link to Grand Rapids Herald-Review

Far be it from me to brag, but my ol' yaller dog...

well, read on and you'll see:
Sketch of Jelly Beans -- aka Jabe -- by Matt Lemen  Last Sunday, this here newspaper put together a special piece where folks could show a picture of their mighty fine pets an' tell 'bout how Fido or Tabby or ol' Bess is the greatest critter in the whole of creation. Well, I didn't put in a picture of my ol' yaller dog, Jabe. Ya see, I didn't figure it would be neighborly to give all them other fine animals an inferior complexion.

 Ya' see, truth to tell, Ol' Jabe happens to be the smartest dog this side of anywhere. An' I can prove it.

 A while back, I was tellin' my friend, Ralph Carlson, about how good Ol' Jabe could talk. Ralph didn't rightly believe me, so I brought Ol' Jabe in to work one day so Ralph could see -- and hear -- for hisself.

 When we got to the Herald Ree-view, I found Ralph and got the introductions out of the way: "Jabe," I said, "this here's the fellow I was tellin' you about. Do you remember his name?"

 Ol' Jabe answers right up and says, "Ralph, Ralph!"

 Well Ralph looked a bit skeptable, so I asked Jabe another question: "What do ya' call the top of a house?"

 Quick as a wink, Ol Jabe said, "Roof, roof!"

 "Good boy," says I, nigh onto burstin' with pride.

 There was somethin' about the way Ralph's eyes rolled back in his head that told me he wasn't nearly as impressed as I was, So I come up with another puzzler for Jabe.

 "Tell me, Jabe, what does sandpaper feel like?"

 "Rough," says Jabe, "rough!"

 Well, folks, Ralph he lets out a groan that tells me that he still needs a bit more convincin'. Now you people who read Ralph's column know that he's mighty partial to sports, so I decides that maybe a good baseball question will do the trick.

 "Jabe," I said, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

 Now Jabe, he ponders a moment, then remembers the ol-time homerun king, and barks out, "Ruth, Ruth."

 Strange to tell, Ralph he lets out a scream of anguish and like to threw Ol' Jabe an' me outta the place.

 As I was helpin' Ol' Jabe into the car, he looks at me with those big brown eyes of his and says, "You know, if Ralph is a fan of the Marble Mallards, maybe I should have said 'Roger Maris.'"

 Now folks, if you don't believe this lie is true, just ask Ol' Jabe.

 "Truth, truth!" is what he'll say.

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